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Why Do I Love Rebelling?
Question: I’m a second semester senior in high school and I’m not living up to expectations. There’s really no good reason for it other than I love rebelling against everyone else’s expectations. I was a model student in elementary school until I was bullied. When the teachers and administration sided with the bullies, my mom home schooled me. I tried returning to public school but bad grades forced me to return to online school. I’m not doing well there either. The only place I do well is at work.
My mom’s great but my dad hasn’t been in my life at all. My dad doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. He never explained why. I have good friends and a nice life I know I’m putting at risk by refusing to do the things I should but rebelling feels good. Why do I enjoy going out of my way to do the opposite of what everyone wants me to do?
Answer: Expectations are tricky things. Think of the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. When things don’t live up to our exact expectations (like the older bears’ beds, chairs and porridge didn’t work for Goldilocks), they just aren’t right and we respond accordingly. Was Goldilocks wrong to expect the world to accommodate her size? The answer is complicated.
While she was well within her rights to want things that were “just right” for her, Goldilocks also had to acknowledge that sometimes life doesn’t work that way. In other words, expectations are just fine if you realize that they may not work out. When they don’t, you need to readjust your beliefs and work with what you have. As such, you may believe that the expectations of others are the problem while it’s really your own expectations holding you back.
We all have expectations for the people in our lives. These expectations are often both cultural and personal. For example, our cultural narrative of family values dictates that parents always want to be part of their children’s lives. Consequently, you expected that your father would want to get to know you. Unfortunately, he didn’t live up to that expectation. I can only imagine how hurtful that must have been.
There’s also a cultural expectation that people in positions of power, like teachers and school administrators, have a responsibility to protect everyone. Sadly, you discovered that isn’t always the case (this tends to be…
